The newer adventures of Captain Janeway
by imzadideanna
Summary: The starship Voyager meets Captain Planet and his Planeteers, fighting eco-outlaws. Give two Uni students Cable and a computer, and this is what you get.


The Newer Adventures of Captain Planet  
  
(Starring Captain Janeway)  
  
This is what you get when you mix two bored Uni students, chocolate, lollies and Blackcurrant cordial, while watching Captain Planet and talking about Star Trek: Voyager and Enterprise. We are slightly insane. Enjoy. Paramount, we have NO money, that is why we are bored, hence don't sue us. Have fun  
  
Imzadi_deanna  
  
Orion_prittycolourz  
  
Captain Planet: Captain Janeway  
  
Gaian: Commander Chakotay  
  
Wheeler: Tom Paris  
  
Linka: B'Ellana Torres  
  
Gi: Hoshi Sato  
  
Ma-ti: Harry Kim  
  
Kwame: Tuvok  
  
Guy Evil: as himself  
  
Dusty: Clint Eastwood  
  
"Earth"  
  
"Fire"  
  
"Wind"  
  
"Water"  
  
"Heart"  
  
"GO JANEWAY"  
  
"With your powers combined, I am Captain Janeway"  
  
"Captain Janeway, she's our hero  
  
Gonna take pollution down to zero  
  
She's our powers magnified  
  
And she's fighting on the universe's side"  
  
"Captain Janeway, she our hero  
  
Gonna take pollution down to zero"  
  
"Gonna help her put asunder  
  
Bad guys who like to loot and plunder"  
  
"You'll pay for this Captain Janeway"  
  
"We're the Janewayeteers  
  
You can be one too  
  
'Cause saving our universe is the thing to do"  
  
"Looting and Polluting is not the way  
  
Hear what Captain Janeway has to say"  
  
"The power is yours"  
  
High Streaks (High Steaks)  
  
Set in the holodeck  
  
Wheeler (holding Volleyball net): What is the damn reason that we have to move B'Ellana, I mean Linka  
  
Linka: You idiot Tom, I mean Wheeler (said in an Eastern European accent). So that they soil doesn't get damaged, and we don't get in trouble with Gaian.  
  
Wheeler: Your so cute when you are angry darling  
  
Linka throws a ball in Wheelers stomach and he falls backwards. All the other Janewayeteers laugh at Wheeler  
  
Gaian's head appears out of thin air, Wheeler falls back again  
  
Wheeler: Commander, shit Gaian, what the fuck? Is that environmentally friendly?  
  
Gaian: Ensign, I mean Wheeler, watch your language. If Captain Janeway heard about that…  
  
Ma-Ti: Haha suck. What is wrong Gaian (said in a sucky voice)?  
  
Gaian: Don't suck up to me Harry, sorry, Ma-Ti. Come to my…oh what is called…my room. I have something very important to tell you  
  
Just as quickly as he appeared, his head disappeared. You hear in the background  
  
"SHIT THAT IS WEIRD"  
  
Next scene  
  
Everybody magically appears in Gaian's room  
  
Kwame: What is wrong Gaian  
  
Gaian: There is nothing wrong, something good has happened.  
  
Purple Laser beams shoot out of his perfectly manicured fingernails, while he looked down at his purple suit. The view screen turns on, like under a spell.  
  
On screen, it shows a lovely outdoorsy scene, with mountains and green shit and there is a river there too and a few trees and some sands and we forgot the clear blue sky.  
  
Gaian: This is Paradise ranch. They are trying to run an environmentally sustainable business raising cattle.  
  
As he says raising cattle, buffalo's are seen running across the majestic landscape.  
  
Everybody breathes in with awe  
  
Gi: So, what's the problem here?  
  
Gaian: There is nothing wrong. Would you guys like a holiday?  
  
You see all the Janewayeteers pumping the air with their fists and screaming excitingly.  
  
Next Scene  
  
A Yellow Delta Flyer flies over the Paradise ranch, and you see the mountains and the river and all that shit.  
  
A very confused cowboy (Dusty) stands awed looking at this thing  
  
Dusty: What the leaping lizards gizzards is that?  
  
The Delta Flyer lands amid a dust cloud and the door flies out and the Janewayeteers jump onto the wing, then onto the ground. We don't know why  
  
Wheeler: Howdy Partner  
  
Dusty: You damned confounded City slickers  
  
Linka: Where is Big-Ed Big-Ol?  
  
Dusty points to a log cabin and rides off.  
  
The Janewayeteers walk towards the cabin.  
  
Bid-Ed Big-Ol: Hiya Janewayeteers. How ya goin?  
  
Kwame: Not bad thank you. Your business is very logical. We are here to offer you our services.  
  
All the Janewayeteers look around confused, not knowing what "services" Tuvok, no, Kwame means.  
  
Kwame: Well, my seven years are nearly up, and I am as horny as hell. So watch out boys.  
  
Ma-Ti backs away slowly, while Gi pushes Kwame out the door.  
  
Big-Ed Big-Ol: Are you slickers any good with Horses  
  
Wheeler: Yep, we are wonderful!  
  
Big-Ed Big-Ol: Well, you can help with the mustering then.  
  
All the Janewayeteers cheer and laugh as they pump their fists in the air AGAIN, they are all going to get RSI, especially Kwame  
  
Next Scene  
  
All the Janewayeteers plus dusty and a few no names and Big-Ed Big-Ol are mustering the Buffalo (with incidentally their milk makes good mozzarella cheese). Everybody is riding like they have been for 20 years.  
  
They drive the cattle through some mystic mountains. Two cattle divert from the group, so Linka brings them back, Ma-Ti finds a cute little calf with a big head and small eyes and brings that back to the herd too. They muster the cattle to some pens in the middle of nowhere, Dusty opens the gate and the cattle go have a drink. Meanwhile, Guy Evil and his minions are upstream pouring barrels of oil into the river. The cattle drink and keel over and die in three seconds flats. A few more cattle go and drink and Gi notices that something is wrong. She looks at the water and realises that the water is not blue. This may not be good  
  
Gi: Kwame, something is wrong with this water. Hang on a minute; I will call Gaian to do a detailed mineral analysis. Hey, Chuckles, get down here.  
  
Gaian appears in a puff of smoke  
  
Gaian: Thanks for inviting me.  
  
Gaian takes a sample of water, looks at it, and as he is impervious to all bad things tastes the sample.  
  
Gaian: Mmm, delicious. Oh yeah, it's oil. The cattle will die.  
  
Gi: How observant of you, sir  
  
Gi uses her ring  
  
Gi: WATER  
  
The oil water disappears and gets replaced by clean blue water. The live cattle have a drink and everything is just peachy.  
  
As all of this is happening, we see Guy Evil stand on a Knoll (or on Noel a camera guy) binoculars in his hand, with a withering look on his face.  
  
Guy Evil: Those Janeway Pain in the butts. They will pay this time.  
  
He then storms off into nowhere.  
  
Ma-Ti: Good job Gi  
  
Token Rain starts to fall, the Janewayeteers continue on the muster, while Gaian complains about getting his suit wet. We then see a green helicopter coming over the horizon towards the cliff-face that the Janewayeteers and Dusty are mustering on. The chopper spooks the cattle and they run in every direction  
  
Linka: Boshemoi. It's Guy Evil (said in a really fake voice)  
  
A Buffalo charges at Dusty's horse and dusty flies over the cliff. Everyone is in a panic. Dusty is holding a twig  
  
Wheeler: I'll save you. Captain Proton to the rescue.  
  
Everyone looks at him and rolls their eyes.  
  
Wheeler attaches a rope to his horse's reins and throws the other end of the rope to Dusty. Dusty catches the rope just as the twig snaps. Wheeler guides the horse backwards and Dusty appears at the top of the cliff.  
  
Dusty: Thanks Greenhorn  
  
Wheeler smiles and the Janewayeteers come to congratulate him. They then realize that the Buffalo (that make good cheese) are rushing towards them in a great panic. Gaian squeals.  
  
Ma-Ti: HEART  
  
Nothing happens  
  
Ma-Ti: They are too frightened  
  
Kwame (who is looking really horny): EARTH  
  
A great mountain appears before the cattle. The become even more freaked, which even a daft person would know  
  
Wheeler: Great one. FIRE  
  
Wheeler slaps Kwame on the back and Kwame falls forward. The fire shoots out of Wheelers ring and stops the cattle momentarily. Once he stops, the cattle become even more agitated and run towards them. These are stupid cattle.  
  
Kwame: We are going to need some help here. Let our powers combine.  
  
Kwame: EARTH  
  
Wheeler: FIRE  
  
Linka: VIND  
  
Gi: WATER  
  
Ma-Ti: HEART  
  
Janewayeteers: GO JANEWAY  
  
Captain Janeway: With your powers combine, I am Captain Janeway (said in an overstated noble voice as she flies past, winks at Gaian, and VOOM streaks past the Janewayeteers)  
  
Captain Janeway uses her super magnified heart and surrounds the cattle with yellow beams. They calm down (what a wonderful trick, farmers could really use this) and Captain Janeway suck out her chest.  
  
Captain Janeway: There you go, Janewayeteers. Gaian, tonight, 20:00 hours, my place. THE POWER IS YOURS.  
  
Captain Janeway flies off into the sunset, blowing kisses to Gaian, while Gaian swoons, while grabbing the propellers of the helicopter, stopping the propellers. She grabs Guy Evil and his eco-outlaws and kicks them to never- never land (past the black stump)  
  
The rain miraculously stops and sunshine envelops the day. The Janewayeteers all cheer, pumping the air FOR THE THIRD TIME, and some fall down in plain (RSI)  
  
Next Scene  
  
The Buffalo (which make good cheese) we see at the market, full of contentedment (made up word, really contented). The owner, Big-Ed Big-Ol, is smiling and looking happy. Dusty walks over  
  
Dusty: Thank you Janewayeteers, you really helped  
  
Janewayeteers: That's why we are here, partner.  
  
They all ride off into the sunset on there trusty horses.  
  
Dusty dusts himself off.  
  
Dusty: They don't call me Dusty for nothing.  
  
End song  
  
"Earth"  
  
"Fire"  
  
"Wind"  
  
"Water"  
  
"Heart"  
  
"GO JANEWAY"  
  
"With your powers combined, I am Captain Janeway"  
  
"Captain Janeway, she's our hero  
  
Gonna take pollution down to zero  
  
She's our powers magnified  
  
And she's fighting on the universe's side"  
  
"Captain Janeway, she our hero  
  
Gonna take pollution down to zero"  
  
"Gonna help her put asunder  
  
Bad guys who like to loot and plunder"  
  
"You'll pay for this Captain Janeway"  
  
"We're the Janewayeteers  
  
You can be one too  
  
'Cause saving our universe is the thing to do"  
  
"Looting and Polluting is not the way  
  
Hear what Captain Janeway has to say"  
  
"The power is yours"  
  
Wheeler: COMPUTER, END PROGRAM 


End file.
